The Lighthouse is a domestic violence shelter in Fairfield County, Ohio

Why Do People Stay in Relationships that are Abusive?

By | Domestic Violence | No Comments

Some people think or say that they would never allow themselves to become a victim of domestic violence.  They say, “I would never put up with that kind of treatment!”  The scary part about that is they really believe it; but they don’t know or understand what domestic violence really is.  These people see domestic violence the same way they see a mugging or violent encounter with a stranger…well, that is not the same thing!  If these abusers were strangers, victims would press charges, never drop them and never regret seeking justice for themselves/their children.  But stop and really think about it.

Imagine your significant other, your brother/sister, your adult child, your parent who you love.  These people in your life, the way you know them right now, who you love immensely.  You would do anything for these people!  Do you think that that love would just disappear in a nanosecond if they were to abuse you in some way?  Domestic violence is about loving the very person who is hurting you; otherwise we would just call it a random act of violence.

Remember that in a lot of cases it begins slowly with comments that damage your self-esteem.  Perhaps he or she has even isolated you by complaining about visitors (your friends or family) and it is easier for you to just put people off rather than argue about it.  Now, you are in a situation where the only adult outside of you who can affect how you see yourself is the person who is reflecting negativity about your abilities, physical appearance, etc.

Once your self-esteem is low enough, you believe that no one else would want you.  You believe that this person is the only person who would have you and perhaps you are even afraid of making it on your own or finding someone who is even worse.  Often, you will feel that you are a failure as a partner, mother or person because you cannot stop the abuse from happening which just reinforces what your abuser has been saying about you.

Even if your self-esteem is not quite that low, are you able to exist without the income of your abuser?  Were you allowed or able to work, and if you are/do, do you earn enough money to successfully live independently?  Many cannot due to debt accrued together or simply lack of jobs that pay well.  A positive attitude can mean very little without the means to leave the abusive situation.

So many times children are the reason why people stay with their abusers; they really need that other parent!  If your self-esteem is low, you may believe that the other parent is far more important than anything you could offer on your own.  Also,  your partner may have threatened to take the child if you leave.

Maybe you recognize that you are not the problem, but you love your abuser and it is your abuser who needs help.  So you decide that you will stay because your abuser claims that he or she will get help, attend counseling and stop acting abusively.  What hope you have, because if he or she will change, you do not have to face the responsibility to make a change yourself.  Unfortunately, you are likely to blame yourself for not being helpful enough to change the abuser.

Sometimes traditional societal roles deny options of separation/divorce for victims of abuse.  Strong religious convictions or the stigma of receiving welfare often force people to remain in the abusive situation or even return to it when life outside it is so difficult.

Lastly, recognize how unlikely it is that you can effectively escape your abuser, who may have rights to your children, more economic backing than you, better attorneys (or any attorney when you have none), or funding for private detectives when you have little to no social support and you believe that your abuser will kill you or your children if you try to leave and are caught.

Imagine how lonely it would be, how inadequate you might feel when facing the blank wall of misunderstanding, unsupportive friends, relatives and neighbors who blame you for not getting out before this happened because they don’t understand how domestic violence snakes itself into a relationship over time, but never before you have already become attached and vested in the outcome of the relationship.

Community Care Day: Live United at The Lighthouse

By | Live United, Volunteers | No Comments

Live United!

Thank you to our Community Care Day Volunteers!  You all did a wonderful job painting our shed and landscaping our properties not to mention all of the organizing you did in the basements!  Every year we get such a great group of you that really get it all done!  Our facility looks incredible!

A special thank you to June Streitenberger and Cheryl McNabb who volunteer every year at The Lighthouse on Community Care Day.  You always do an amazing job!

Thank you to Fairfield Homes volunteers: Amanda Northrup, Jessica Hudson, Kelsey Nienhaus, Shelley Bates, Emily Sheets, Katy Riensehild, Nancy Milliser, Rachel Morris, Cheryl Hiles, Jim Sigafoose and Tami Gunther – you all did fantastic!

Fairfield National Bank is a Lighthouse Beacon Donor!

By | Donation | No Comments

Molly and Shelby presenting donation to Suzanne (Left to Right) Molly Bates, Suzanne Capitini, and Shelby Brandon

Fairfield National Bank graciously donated $500 to become our Beacon donor.  Thank you for supporting The Lighthouse! Your valuable gift is helping us provide assistance to survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault.  We appreciate your donation and support.

 

Golf Outing Success!

By | Uncategorized | No Comments

The Golf Outing was a Hit!

 

Thank you to everyone who came out to show your support for The Lighthouse Domestic Violence Shelter!  We would like to thank you for your support whether it was donating prizes, purchasing mulligans that you wouldn’t normally use, participating in the raffle, sponsoring a hole, or joining a team.  Each of you has helped us tremendously with your generosity.  We were able to collect $9700 to benefit the clients we serve!

 

 

Our amazing hole sponsors!!!

Thank you for your support!

Thank you for your support!

 

Happy Participants with our Board Member, Sally Spangler

Secret Lighthouse Board Handshake in action with Sally and our board president, Suzy Grubb!

Golfing team looking Serious…

Happy golfing team that brought team spirit with matching shirts!

A Prize Winner!!!

Our Executive Director, Suzanne Capitini, and one of our Legal Advocates, Joan Marshall serving up some food to our hungry golfers!

 

Joan with Sally and another board member, Sandy Boylen – they are working diligently on something to ensure that the golf outing is a success…

 

A mini board meeting with our president, Suzy and vice president, Pam Kaylor; while our director makes an important phone call – the Lighthouse never sleeps!

Raising money for The Lighthouse can be fun, just ask these happy ladies!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It looks like everyone had a good time!

 

Sally with another board member Anna Dittoe  – they like to sell tickets and raise money for the Lighthouse!

Welcome to The Lighthouse Information Center!

By | Information | No Comments

This is where you can find recent information about what is going on at the Lighthouse and other helpful information about Domestic Violence/Sexual Assault awareness, events and fundraisers for The Lighthouse as well as any other valuable tips.

Upcoming: May 6, 2017 is our 18th Annual Golf Outing @ Valley View Golf Club.  We will be posting pictures shortly after the event, so if you sponsor a hole you may see it here!